Positive Partial Reinforcement

By: <a href="http://www.theartoflove.net">Lucia</a>.

At one point or another, we've all wondered, "Why is it that the people I'm interested in are not interested in me? And the people I ignore keep contacting me?" It would be statistically improbable, if not impossible, that every time you liked someone they didn't feel the same and vice versa. So what's really going on here? Is this some sick joke from the Universe?

I would like to introduce you to your new best friend when it comes to solving this dilemma and that is: Positive Partial Reinforcement (PPR). This is a psychological term where the reward is not granted every time the desired action is taken.

The effectiveness of PPR is the cornerstone of Vegas. People stay at the slots or tables because they are only rewarded at random intervals. If they were never rewarded, they would soon give up. If they were always rewarded, they would eventually get bored and move on.

In one experiment, a pigeon given a random reward for pecking a button over a one minute interval, continued pecking for over three hours without reward.

You naturally do this with the person you're not interested in – you see them or talk to them when it's convenient for you. You throw them a bone once in a while, but you don't go out of your way for them. These are the people who end up being crazy about you. You are witnessing the effects of PPR.

However, the person you are interested in, you make yourself available for, talk to them for hours on the phone, return their texts immediately, etc. These are the people you always seem to have to work so hard to get!

It's the things you're doing, your behavior, which determines the other person's interest level. So how can you apply PPR to the person you're crazy about? Follow these simple rules:

<b>AVAILABILITY</b>- You can't always be available. By always being available, you diminish your value. It's human nature to not appreciate something that's always there. When you like someone, you of course want to see them as much as possible, so you make yourself available – that's the kiss of death! Do the opposite. This keeps him from being satiated and keeps him wanting – and that's where you want them.

<b>BEHAVIOR</b> – Think of how you behave when you're not really into someone and behave that way with the person you are into. When you don't care, you take your time returning calls, texts and emails. Sometimes you even ignore the texts and emails and don't respond. You may even get upset with them if they text too much!

<b>ATTITUDE</b> – When you like someone, your attitude is: I have to have this person. When you're not that interested, you naturally hang back and have a wait and see attitude. You think: We'll see what happens; maybe they'll grow on me. It's this attitude and the above behavior that makes you most attractive.

One thing people mess up is that they think they have to mistreat the other person. No!! While you want to practice limiting your availability, having a wait and see attitude and throwing doubt into the mix, you must treat the person well. People like you because of how they feel when they are with you. So compliment, appreciate and praise – just don't seem too eager to seeing them.

People find this hard to do – they think the other will be mad if they turn them down or if they end the date early, whereas with the person they're not interested in, they couldn't care less if they get mad.

PPR is not an easy thing to do because you naturally want to see/talk to the one you like – it feels unnatural to avoid them, not see them and/or not talk to them every time they want to see or talk to you.

One way to make it easier on yourself is to see other people. Don't tell me you can't! If you want to improve your chances with the one you really want, then you absolutely have to do this.

You can stop using PPR once the one you want has declared their love for you. However, you can always bring it back, if you sense they are starting to take you for granted!

What's That Smell?

By: Mel

Some of you must be asking yourselves why I've chosen such odd blog topics lately. Here is the deal. Y'all know that lately I haven't had the time to blog as much as I would like to. I'm always inclined to discuss important matters, as well as anything that comes to mind. Some of the topics I discuss take a little bit more time than others. There are some things that require proper research in order to convey correct information. These blogs, although very informative, don't usually get the same response as the ones where I just come through and vent. Y'all seem to like my ghetto streak more than my sophisticated woman of the world side, lmao. I've decided since right now I don't have the time to get all informative, I'd just share my thoughts on whatever subject is on my mind.

Today's topic is one that has bothered me for some time now. Last night brought it all back to me and I want to bless you guys with my insight on this matter. We will be discussing DIRTY PUSSY (unhygienic vagina for those of you that came to see sophisticated Mell). I know this is a delicate matter that not many women are willing to discuss, but somebody's got to do the dirty work, right??? Before you freaks start letting your imaginations run wild I have only seen one pussy up close, and obviously it's my own. I have however SMELLED many of them and I'll give you an example of how, in a minute.

Last night I was in a club with the girls. I hate using public restrooms, but I always have to go at least two or three times. I make my way there and impatiently wait in line for my turn to free my bladder of the weight it has been carrying around. When my turn finally arrives I wait at the front of the line for a stall to be disoccupied. I hear a flush, YES! I had already been doing the peepee dance for 5 minutes so I was relieved as hell to hear that melodious flushing sound. I see the woman who walks out of the stall and I had to do a double take. I only saw her for a second, but you ladies know that's all we need to eyeball another women from head to toe. She was absolutely gorgeous. She was had long, wavy red hair, caramel complexion, and a fabulous body. She had a stylish royal blue silk mini dress with silver stilettos. You already know I'm strictly dickly (again, heterosexual for those that came to see sophisticated Mell) but I've always said I can appreciate a beautiful woman (being one myself and all, lol).

I run into the stall freed by this supermodel and I get hit as soon as I walk in. DIRTY, NASTY, SWEATY, INFECTED, PUSSY SMELL. It turned my stomach. The stench was fresh, so I was positive it was her. Now you know me, I said "Damn, it smells nasty in here". I didn't want anyone thinking it was MY fruit that was rotten. The funny thing is that I wasn't even surprised. This wasn't the only time this has happened to me. I'm afraid it's a regular occurrence in public restrooms. A restroom is a place where women have to free the coochie in order to free their bladders. You never know what's under those tight jeans. This is the part where I'm always baffled. If I can smell your dirty ass, why the hell can't you? I mean YOU'RE the one carrying it around. YOU"RE the one standing right over it. How can you not notice your ass smells like a dead rat?

It's natural for a woman to have vaginal issues (sophisticated Mell in the house now). Our bodies often experience hormomal changes that can result in releasing fluid, a.k.a. discharge or various types of odors. It's a natural part of being a woman. Caring for your body and having proper feminine hygiene is what prevents someone like me from blogging about your rotten pussy (I'm schitzo today) the day after walking in a stall after you. There are a number of signs that will indicate there is a problem...

*Your pussy should not smell like any dead animals.
*Your pussy should not smell like fish, not even tuna fish.
*Your pussy's scent should not be detected unless someone has his (or her, for those that go that way) face in it.
*Your pussy should not leave brown stains on your panties unless you're spotting.
*Your pussy should not foam.
*Your pussy should not leave a doughnut powderlike stain around the person who's been eating it's mouth.
*Your pussy should not make anyone who decides to eat it feel like vomiting once down there.

Here are some tips to help prevent these from happening.

*WASH YOUR ASS (this meaning your pussy as well)!
*If you sweat, wash your ass again.
*Wax, shave or at least trim yor pubic hair.
*If you choose not to do any of the above you need to have extra hygiene since pubic hair retains sweat and odor.
*WASH YOUR ASS (did I already say that?)
*Change your dirty underwear everytime you wash your ass. (Yes, there are women who will put the same underwear on)
*Your gynecologist is your friend. Visit him on a regular basis.
*For those of you that need a little extra protection, use feminine deodorant spray.
*Perfume does not qualify as feminine deodorant spray.
*Don't wear jeans that cut off your circulation. Your pussy needs to breathe.
*For the big girls, be extra careful, you've got alot goin' on down there.

That's it for now. I've got to go. Please feel free to share.

This is a public service announcement.

Dear Lucia, I’m confused

Dear Lucia,

I dated a guy for 6 months. We were friends before and there was always a mutual attraction. When we were together, we spent almost every single weekend together. 2-3 times during the week, we'd call each other and have half hour to hour conversations. Overall it was really fun and we enjoyed each others company. He was the first guy where I could be myself and we had the same sense of humor.

Over time, I found myself falling for him. I thought feelings were mutual and eventually brought up "the talk". I was hurt to find out that he didn't consider me his girlfriend (he's never had a serious girl friend in his whole life & said that I was the most serious thing that has ever happened to him). He said he didn't know what to do in relationships and that he was scared. What made it worse is that he didn't express his emotions at all.

Additionally, when New Year's Eve came around, he didn't invite me to go to the party that he got invited to. I was hurt that after dating for so long, I never crossed his mind.

I was on the fence at the end of 6 months. I still wanted things to work out and I asked him if he wanted to hang out for the upcoming weekend. I didn't get a reply back until 1 day later. He said he forgot to let me know he had plans for the weekend.

I eventually broke it off with him when came over a few days later. When we broke up he admitted that he had a lot of growing up to do and eventually asked if we could be friends. I said no since I had to reverse all of the intense feelings that I developed over the 6 months.

I was sad and cried in front of him. I told him that I didn't want to let him go, but had to and that I was going to miss him so much. What makes me confused is that he ended up crying really hard too. He was really sad, had nothing to say and just left in tears.

I'm confused because during the whole time we were together he never expressed his feelings to me. Certain times when he would occasionally drink, he'd show a little more emotion. He'd do lots of things for me like fix things around my house for me, bring me food, etc, but he never expressed how much he liked me. He didn't even like it when I called him "babe", or "hun". He said it was weird.

Is he the type of guy to come back? We didn't end on bad terms at all, just sad terms. I knew I had to stand up for myself and not continue to date a guy that didn't have feelings for me. Now I am confused since he cried - he really did care for me. That's why I want to try and make things work again. Or should I not waste my time? Confused

Dear Confused,

You say you want to try and make things work again, but you've already done enough, which is the main reason you are in this situation.

How can I make women understand that less is more when it comes to dating? They try too hard, give too much too soon, try to push things along by having the talk and then wonder why the guy doesn't want to commit.

Why were you seeing this guy every weekend and having long conversations on the phone every week when you were not his girlfriend? If you thought this was going to bring you closer, you can obviously see you were wrong. You handed yourself over on a silver platter. Guys do NOT appreciate what they do not have to work for.

Just because he cried, doesn't mean he wants to be your boyfriend. He could simply enjoy your company, but because he didn't have to work for you, he doesn't feel any passion. He's probably just as confused as you.

Leave him alone. He will eventually contact you. At that point, don't be too quick to see him again. Let him take the lead. In the meantime, you need to listen to my show on Positive Partial Reinforcement at www.latalkradio.com/Lucia.php

Write to Lucia at: www.theartoflove.net

Read an excerpt from Lucia's Lessons of Love at: www.lessonsoflove.net

Listen to Lucia live every Sunday at 3pm PST on www.latalkradio.com

Remember: Love inspires, empowers, uplifts and enlightens.

20 MORE Things Every Woman Must Know About Men, Love, Sex, and Relationships

By: Gillis Triplett

This is the follow-up to 20 Things Every Woman Must Know About Men, Love, Sex, and Relationships. Make sure you check the archive and read the first 20 things before you finish the list.

21. Angry, bitter, hostile, combative, unforgiving single women, become: angry, bitter, hostile and combative, unforgiving wives.

22. A fundamental understanding and respect of the male ego is a must for all women who want a vibrant and healthy love; DO NOT obtain this crucial information from dishonorable males or from angry bitter women.

23. If you choose to be with dishonorable males, pimps, players, thugs, ballers and shot callers, you have absolutely no right to complain when they torch your emotions, abuse you, leave you pregnant and alone, jeopardize your safety and otherwise harm or hurt you. Remember, you have freedom of choice and you chose to be with them!

24. When a man is trying to find himself, kindly bid him adieu… PERMANENTLY! He can find you, but can’t find himself? He shouldn’t be looking for love… he should be searching for the map to Mastering Manhood!

25. OK; he wants or is demanding sex but you are not his wife. Write this down: There is no need to wonder, debate or contemplate: he DOES NOT honor or respect you!

26. Spoiled women are like spoiled milk, spoiled meat, spoiled fruit spoiled bread and spoiled brats. Get the picture? Don’t become a spoiled woman!

27. Expecting a dishonorable male to do the honorable thing is like expecting piranhas not to devour you if you make the mistake of diving into their water.

28. You’ve asked these questions, “Why doesn’t he call me more often? Why doesn’t he pursue me more diligently and why doesn’t he show me that he loves me?” Answer; he’s not into you! If you don’t let him go and move on with your life, you will allow him to hinder or block your true love from finding you!

29. All men ARE NOT dogs! Don’t believe, repeat or perpetuate that rampant lie! You will hamper your ability to see and discern the good men who cross your path!

30. Some males like to hit women. It gives them a sense of power and control. If you give yourself to one of these abusive males, most assuredly you will become a punching bag and a floor mat. It is critical that you learn how to detect and avoid these cretins!

31. Promiscuous immoral women are not worthy of an honorable man. They never have been and they never will be.

32. Never allow emotionally embittered women to influence you concerning the male gender. If you do, their hatred and unforgiveness will become yours. Soon you will find yourself suspicious, indignant and angry at all men.

33. You were not designed, built or destined for abuse, whether: emotionally, physically or financially. If he is an abuser, there is no need to deliberate… he IS NOT the one; leave him now!

34. Some women live their lives vicariously through the women on “Girlfriends, Sex In The City and Desperate Housewives.” Don’t become one of these women. If you do, you will make a literal mess of your life, emotions, physical body and well-being.

35. When a man truly loves you, he will honor and respect you. If he doesn't… don’t deceive yourself and don’t allow him to defraud you; he DOES NOT love OR care about you!

36. Everyone has skeletons in their closet? Wrong! Not everyone has skeletons in their closet. Don’t start putting any in yours!

37. There is a vast difference between sex and love. Most men know the difference and you had better learn it fast! If you fail or refuse to do so, you are surely headed for relationship or marital crash and burn.

38. Don’t deceive yourself, once you have sex with a man who is not your husband… he may never admit it, but he has lost a little degree of respect for you. Don’t believe it? Ask any honorable man or virtuous woman.

39. The dismal cycle of breaking up and making up only works out in the romance novels, television shows and movies. If you are riding that emotional roller coaster get off right now! Your heart, mind and soul will forever thank you.

40. Nothing is more beautiful, captivating, attractive and sensual than a woman with a gentle and peaceable spirit!

20 Things Every Woman Must Know About Men, Love, Sex, and Relationships

By: Gillis Triplett

Although the Ladies Lounge is typically reserved for postings written by women, when I read this on LOMH's Facebook page, I knew an exception needed to be made. There is actually 40 Things, so after you're done with this read, 20 MORE Things Every Woman Should Know..."

Most women learn about men, love, sex and relationships the hard way. They walk down the highly traveled, worn out path of emotional scars, broken hearts, abuse, confusion, anger and sleepless nights. When it comes to learning the hard way, you can get to know a great deal about men, love, sex and relationships, but most women who have traveled that path will tell you, “The price is too high and the consequences and lingering effects are way to painful!” Smart women understand this irrefutable truth.

They know there is an easier less complicated way to obtain the vital information they need to know about the opposite sex. Ladies, these 20 nuggets of wisdom and sage advice will help set you on the right path to finding and experiencing true love. Share these life-saving truths with every woman you know. They will forever thank you!


1. There are two types of males: Dishonorable males and honorable men. Don’t date or marry until you know how to tell the difference between the two! The woman in the mirror will graciously thank you.




2. Honorable men are protectors. They will guard your heart, protect your emotions, defend your honor and stand as champions for your spiritual, mental and physical well-being; choose an honorable man and choose life!

3. You are not a car; if you meet a man who wants to test drive your physical body, emotions and feelings, point him to a car dealership, bid him adieu and don’t look back!

4. This is a true saying: “The soul of a woman is fragile.” Please note: dishonorable males refuse to respect this crucial truth. They will toy with a woman’s emotions without any semblance of concern or compassion. Therefore YOU must guard your heart from these cold-hearted males with all diligence.

5. Good men need to be treated like good men, dishonorable males, need to be let go and left alone!

6. OK ladies; you’ve met this great guy, but he’s got a child or children for which he does not take care of, provide for or see to. Follow these instructions to the letter: urgently send him back to the mother(s) of his child(ren) and don’t look back. Don’t make the same mistake the mother(s) of his child(ren) did!

7. Dishonorable males treat sex as a sport, females as trophies and children they sire as wastepaper. Never allow yourself to become their next score, mantle piece or sperm repository.

8. Women who hold grudges, seek vengeance, cling to bitterness and are unwilling to forgive, unwittingly break their own hearts!

9. Choose the wrong mate and you might as well have laid next to a boa constrictor or grabbed the ears of a raging mad pit bull. A smart woman learns how to choose her mate wisely!

10. Heed the sage advice of some caring brothers and honorable men. If he doesn’t fit - don’t force him, just relax and let him go. Destiny is on your side… TRUE LOVE will find you!

11. Momma’s boys belong with only one type of woman; their moms! Ladies, these mothers and their sons will never cut their grotesque umbilical cord. Therefore, for your sake, leave them alone and just let them trot home to their mommies.

12. Self-love: if you don’t have it, pull yourself off the market. Make no mistake about it, if you don’t love yourself, NO MAN can ever love you… no matter how great a man he is.

13. Don’t judge ALL men by one man’s actions; unless you want ALL men to judge you based on the acts of amoral women.

14. Most women learn how to choose a mate the hard way; they go through a gut wrenching string of emotionally detached males, jerks, pimps, thugs and players. Don’t become one of those heart broken and bitter women! Learn how to properly choose a mate before it’s too late! The woman in the mirror will graciously thank you.

15. You wondering, “If I move in with him, is he going to marry me?” Answer: “Not likely!” Don’t believe it, take these two critical tests: (a). Ask any honorable man! And, (b). Examine the ever-growing list of disillusioned women who are begrudgingly waiting for their non-committal live-in lovers to pop the big question.

16. Do you keep attracting men who are dogs? Check the scent you’re putting out. Men who are dogs are attracted by scent!

17. You are not a man! Therefore, you will never be: a role model for men, a father figure, a man’s mentor or a man’s coach. If a man has lacked proper male leadership in his life, kindly send him on his way. Know for a certainty; he is not prepared for the responsibilities that come with love, sex, relationship and marriage.

18. If you don’t know what a misogynistic man is, take this time to check your dictionary. For your sake, sanity and safety, avoid these treacherous males at all costs.

19. Don’t ever delude yourself! Your beauty, fine body, sexual prowess, cooking skills, femininity and vibrant personality will never be enough to change a man, NEVER!

20. If your potential mate does such things as: promises to call you but doesn’t, makes dates and breaks them, shows up late or plays games with your emotions; take notes ladies... those are clear cut warning signs that he DOES NOT value you, he DOES NOT love you and he DOES NOT care about you!