Dear Lucia, I’m confused

Dear Lucia,

I dated a guy for 6 months. We were friends before and there was always a mutual attraction. When we were together, we spent almost every single weekend together. 2-3 times during the week, we'd call each other and have half hour to hour conversations. Overall it was really fun and we enjoyed each others company. He was the first guy where I could be myself and we had the same sense of humor.

Over time, I found myself falling for him. I thought feelings were mutual and eventually brought up "the talk". I was hurt to find out that he didn't consider me his girlfriend (he's never had a serious girl friend in his whole life & said that I was the most serious thing that has ever happened to him). He said he didn't know what to do in relationships and that he was scared. What made it worse is that he didn't express his emotions at all.

Additionally, when New Year's Eve came around, he didn't invite me to go to the party that he got invited to. I was hurt that after dating for so long, I never crossed his mind.

I was on the fence at the end of 6 months. I still wanted things to work out and I asked him if he wanted to hang out for the upcoming weekend. I didn't get a reply back until 1 day later. He said he forgot to let me know he had plans for the weekend.

I eventually broke it off with him when came over a few days later. When we broke up he admitted that he had a lot of growing up to do and eventually asked if we could be friends. I said no since I had to reverse all of the intense feelings that I developed over the 6 months.

I was sad and cried in front of him. I told him that I didn't want to let him go, but had to and that I was going to miss him so much. What makes me confused is that he ended up crying really hard too. He was really sad, had nothing to say and just left in tears.

I'm confused because during the whole time we were together he never expressed his feelings to me. Certain times when he would occasionally drink, he'd show a little more emotion. He'd do lots of things for me like fix things around my house for me, bring me food, etc, but he never expressed how much he liked me. He didn't even like it when I called him "babe", or "hun". He said it was weird.

Is he the type of guy to come back? We didn't end on bad terms at all, just sad terms. I knew I had to stand up for myself and not continue to date a guy that didn't have feelings for me. Now I am confused since he cried - he really did care for me. That's why I want to try and make things work again. Or should I not waste my time? Confused

Dear Confused,

You say you want to try and make things work again, but you've already done enough, which is the main reason you are in this situation.

How can I make women understand that less is more when it comes to dating? They try too hard, give too much too soon, try to push things along by having the talk and then wonder why the guy doesn't want to commit.

Why were you seeing this guy every weekend and having long conversations on the phone every week when you were not his girlfriend? If you thought this was going to bring you closer, you can obviously see you were wrong. You handed yourself over on a silver platter. Guys do NOT appreciate what they do not have to work for.

Just because he cried, doesn't mean he wants to be your boyfriend. He could simply enjoy your company, but because he didn't have to work for you, he doesn't feel any passion. He's probably just as confused as you.

Leave him alone. He will eventually contact you. At that point, don't be too quick to see him again. Let him take the lead. In the meantime, you need to listen to my show on Positive Partial Reinforcement at www.latalkradio.com/Lucia.php

Write to Lucia at: www.theartoflove.net

Read an excerpt from Lucia's Lessons of Love at: www.lessonsoflove.net

Listen to Lucia live every Sunday at 3pm PST on www.latalkradio.com

Remember: Love inspires, empowers, uplifts and enlightens.

20 MORE Things Every Woman Must Know About Men, Love, Sex, and Relationships

By: Gillis Triplett

This is the follow-up to 20 Things Every Woman Must Know About Men, Love, Sex, and Relationships. Make sure you check the archive and read the first 20 things before you finish the list.

21. Angry, bitter, hostile, combative, unforgiving single women, become: angry, bitter, hostile and combative, unforgiving wives.

22. A fundamental understanding and respect of the male ego is a must for all women who want a vibrant and healthy love; DO NOT obtain this crucial information from dishonorable males or from angry bitter women.

23. If you choose to be with dishonorable males, pimps, players, thugs, ballers and shot callers, you have absolutely no right to complain when they torch your emotions, abuse you, leave you pregnant and alone, jeopardize your safety and otherwise harm or hurt you. Remember, you have freedom of choice and you chose to be with them!

24. When a man is trying to find himself, kindly bid him adieu… PERMANENTLY! He can find you, but can’t find himself? He shouldn’t be looking for love… he should be searching for the map to Mastering Manhood!

25. OK; he wants or is demanding sex but you are not his wife. Write this down: There is no need to wonder, debate or contemplate: he DOES NOT honor or respect you!

26. Spoiled women are like spoiled milk, spoiled meat, spoiled fruit spoiled bread and spoiled brats. Get the picture? Don’t become a spoiled woman!

27. Expecting a dishonorable male to do the honorable thing is like expecting piranhas not to devour you if you make the mistake of diving into their water.

28. You’ve asked these questions, “Why doesn’t he call me more often? Why doesn’t he pursue me more diligently and why doesn’t he show me that he loves me?” Answer; he’s not into you! If you don’t let him go and move on with your life, you will allow him to hinder or block your true love from finding you!

29. All men ARE NOT dogs! Don’t believe, repeat or perpetuate that rampant lie! You will hamper your ability to see and discern the good men who cross your path!

30. Some males like to hit women. It gives them a sense of power and control. If you give yourself to one of these abusive males, most assuredly you will become a punching bag and a floor mat. It is critical that you learn how to detect and avoid these cretins!

31. Promiscuous immoral women are not worthy of an honorable man. They never have been and they never will be.

32. Never allow emotionally embittered women to influence you concerning the male gender. If you do, their hatred and unforgiveness will become yours. Soon you will find yourself suspicious, indignant and angry at all men.

33. You were not designed, built or destined for abuse, whether: emotionally, physically or financially. If he is an abuser, there is no need to deliberate… he IS NOT the one; leave him now!

34. Some women live their lives vicariously through the women on “Girlfriends, Sex In The City and Desperate Housewives.” Don’t become one of these women. If you do, you will make a literal mess of your life, emotions, physical body and well-being.

35. When a man truly loves you, he will honor and respect you. If he doesn't… don’t deceive yourself and don’t allow him to defraud you; he DOES NOT love OR care about you!

36. Everyone has skeletons in their closet? Wrong! Not everyone has skeletons in their closet. Don’t start putting any in yours!

37. There is a vast difference between sex and love. Most men know the difference and you had better learn it fast! If you fail or refuse to do so, you are surely headed for relationship or marital crash and burn.

38. Don’t deceive yourself, once you have sex with a man who is not your husband… he may never admit it, but he has lost a little degree of respect for you. Don’t believe it? Ask any honorable man or virtuous woman.

39. The dismal cycle of breaking up and making up only works out in the romance novels, television shows and movies. If you are riding that emotional roller coaster get off right now! Your heart, mind and soul will forever thank you.

40. Nothing is more beautiful, captivating, attractive and sensual than a woman with a gentle and peaceable spirit!

20 Things Every Woman Must Know About Men, Love, Sex, and Relationships

By: Gillis Triplett

Although the Ladies Lounge is typically reserved for postings written by women, when I read this on LOMH's Facebook page, I knew an exception needed to be made. There is actually 40 Things, so after you're done with this read, 20 MORE Things Every Woman Should Know..."

Most women learn about men, love, sex and relationships the hard way. They walk down the highly traveled, worn out path of emotional scars, broken hearts, abuse, confusion, anger and sleepless nights. When it comes to learning the hard way, you can get to know a great deal about men, love, sex and relationships, but most women who have traveled that path will tell you, “The price is too high and the consequences and lingering effects are way to painful!” Smart women understand this irrefutable truth.

They know there is an easier less complicated way to obtain the vital information they need to know about the opposite sex. Ladies, these 20 nuggets of wisdom and sage advice will help set you on the right path to finding and experiencing true love. Share these life-saving truths with every woman you know. They will forever thank you!


1. There are two types of males: Dishonorable males and honorable men. Don’t date or marry until you know how to tell the difference between the two! The woman in the mirror will graciously thank you.




2. Honorable men are protectors. They will guard your heart, protect your emotions, defend your honor and stand as champions for your spiritual, mental and physical well-being; choose an honorable man and choose life!

3. You are not a car; if you meet a man who wants to test drive your physical body, emotions and feelings, point him to a car dealership, bid him adieu and don’t look back!

4. This is a true saying: “The soul of a woman is fragile.” Please note: dishonorable males refuse to respect this crucial truth. They will toy with a woman’s emotions without any semblance of concern or compassion. Therefore YOU must guard your heart from these cold-hearted males with all diligence.

5. Good men need to be treated like good men, dishonorable males, need to be let go and left alone!

6. OK ladies; you’ve met this great guy, but he’s got a child or children for which he does not take care of, provide for or see to. Follow these instructions to the letter: urgently send him back to the mother(s) of his child(ren) and don’t look back. Don’t make the same mistake the mother(s) of his child(ren) did!

7. Dishonorable males treat sex as a sport, females as trophies and children they sire as wastepaper. Never allow yourself to become their next score, mantle piece or sperm repository.

8. Women who hold grudges, seek vengeance, cling to bitterness and are unwilling to forgive, unwittingly break their own hearts!

9. Choose the wrong mate and you might as well have laid next to a boa constrictor or grabbed the ears of a raging mad pit bull. A smart woman learns how to choose her mate wisely!

10. Heed the sage advice of some caring brothers and honorable men. If he doesn’t fit - don’t force him, just relax and let him go. Destiny is on your side… TRUE LOVE will find you!

11. Momma’s boys belong with only one type of woman; their moms! Ladies, these mothers and their sons will never cut their grotesque umbilical cord. Therefore, for your sake, leave them alone and just let them trot home to their mommies.

12. Self-love: if you don’t have it, pull yourself off the market. Make no mistake about it, if you don’t love yourself, NO MAN can ever love you… no matter how great a man he is.

13. Don’t judge ALL men by one man’s actions; unless you want ALL men to judge you based on the acts of amoral women.

14. Most women learn how to choose a mate the hard way; they go through a gut wrenching string of emotionally detached males, jerks, pimps, thugs and players. Don’t become one of those heart broken and bitter women! Learn how to properly choose a mate before it’s too late! The woman in the mirror will graciously thank you.

15. You wondering, “If I move in with him, is he going to marry me?” Answer: “Not likely!” Don’t believe it, take these two critical tests: (a). Ask any honorable man! And, (b). Examine the ever-growing list of disillusioned women who are begrudgingly waiting for their non-committal live-in lovers to pop the big question.

16. Do you keep attracting men who are dogs? Check the scent you’re putting out. Men who are dogs are attracted by scent!

17. You are not a man! Therefore, you will never be: a role model for men, a father figure, a man’s mentor or a man’s coach. If a man has lacked proper male leadership in his life, kindly send him on his way. Know for a certainty; he is not prepared for the responsibilities that come with love, sex, relationship and marriage.

18. If you don’t know what a misogynistic man is, take this time to check your dictionary. For your sake, sanity and safety, avoid these treacherous males at all costs.

19. Don’t ever delude yourself! Your beauty, fine body, sexual prowess, cooking skills, femininity and vibrant personality will never be enough to change a man, NEVER!

20. If your potential mate does such things as: promises to call you but doesn’t, makes dates and breaks them, shows up late or plays games with your emotions; take notes ladies... those are clear cut warning signs that he DOES NOT value you, he DOES NOT love you and he DOES NOT care about you!